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Oct. 10th, 2006 | 07:16 pm
location: Work
mood: giddygiddy
music: The hum of a fan.

I have to say I can't remember the last time I've been this excited or happy. :) A ghost from my past came and visited me today, her name is Sarah. Let me start out by saying she is a wonderful, wonderful person and also incredibly beautiful. Amazingly beautiful, inside and out. She disappeared about 6 months ago and moved to California (which I just found out about today)and is moving back here in December. She travells a lot being a flight attendant, and I have a mortal fear of flying. Ironic. We chatted for a bit, Anjanette covered me in FedEx while Sarah was there which is really nice of her. I'm just so excited I can't put it into words the right way. You ever get the feeling when you see a certain someone that makes you want to melt into a pile of goo and ooze out your shoes? I always get that way with her. It's not even the fact that it's an attraction, theres just something there that feels different, in a very good way. I'm rambling it seems. I think I'll head over to Atlanta bread and commandeer a soda, or maybe not. It's cold out there and warm in here. It's just so unreal to me my brain can't quite process it right now.

Will write more soon!


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I'm still alive!

Oct. 9th, 2006 | 01:26 am
location: Work - Ho Hum.
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: 80's.

Ok, I realize its been a long, long time since I've posted. This won't be an issue in the future, I intend to use the hell out of my LJ. Things (knock on wood) are going well. Just got 2 raises and my promotions. I'm officially a Senior Production Operator. Woot! :D. The baby's good, things are better at home and I've been waiting on my new computer to be made! Income tax is coming this week, which was quite a bit. Just waiting now, should be a week. Got to get going, will write tomorrow for sure! Oh, and one last big thing is that I am working on my anxiety issues with people and trying to be social. It's really hard because I love people, but am leery of big social situations. I know I can do it, just takes time!

Blessed Be,


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May. 17th, 2005 | 05:55 pm
mood: gratefulgrateful

Had a very productive day today, took Olivia to her interview all the way downtown, and called BriteSmile for a follow up call after my interview with good news from them. The director or regional manager will be calling me on Thursday at 9:00am for a phone interview, which would make this the third interview I've had with them. I'm quite excited. We also went to a great Wicca shop today that has awesome energy to it, bought a small orange candle that has a orange/sandalwood scent to it...very soft and pleasant. Definitely going back there when I get some $ together, they have an amazing selection of wares that definitely will come in handy, like really really nice brooms, crystals, cauldrons and all kinds of Craftware; I'm very excited. Was very much a feeling of "coming home" when I was there.
Beyond that, not much is new, taking Olivia to another interview tomorrow around 4pm, so hopefully it will go well and it's just a matter of waiting until Thursday until my interview. I'm not even nervous :). Tonight I'll make some baked chicken (hopefully it dethaws by 7:00), sauteed spinach and mushrooms and biscuits for a side. Sounds good to me, and if I'm feeling very motivated, I'll make onion rings, I'm not sure yet. I hope this is the beginning of turning a new leaf for me, finally be able to be very fullfilled with my life and be able to follow my passions.


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Tai Chi Chaun

May. 14th, 2005 | 01:18 pm
mood: blahblah

Not much new today, just looking up some books for Tai Chi and doing a smidge of cooking tonight. Might look into some teamaking books as well for new ideas. I'm not bored per say, just a bit lonely and looking forward to starting working soon, start making some money. Will write tomorrow if I can.


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Another unhappy day

May. 13th, 2005 | 01:07 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I'm beginning to think that my life will never have a bright spot in it. I'm feeling like crap although I had a great interview today, but after evaluating what I'm going and gone through, I wonder why I ever bother to live. Yes, it sounds melodramatic, but that's not my intent. I'm simply tired of struggling, and there's nothing more that I'd like to do than sink into my warm bed, snuggle up into some blankets and fall asleep, never to wake up again. I'm tired of not being important or a person of value, someone who is never needed by everyone. Sick of being patient, getting sick and miserable all the time. I'm going to take a nap, I'm disgusted with myself.


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I'm a D6! What are you? :)

May. 12th, 2005 | 01:00 pm
mood: depresseddepressed
music: Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey

I am a d6

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

Sad but true...


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At the Library

May. 12th, 2005 | 12:37 pm
mood: depresseddepressed
music: No music - since I dont have much.

It's sad when you have to hide at the library for some peace and quiet. At least it's comfortable here and has quasi fast internet, anythings better than dial up. I miss interacting with my friends and being part of something bigger than I am, feeling needed and being in a group. Teri and Shawn, and all of those guys used to be who basically I revolved my life around, the people who gave me hope and are more of a family to me than my actual blood relatives. I think family means what you make of it, and you are born into a world that allows you to make choices of who to bond with. Perhaps I'm being nostalgic or purely rambling, I'm not sure. I've always sacrificed nearly everything for the sake of others and I'm tired of never having anything in return. Perhaps that's selfish. I mean, come on...I can't even go see the movie I wanted to see since I was a little kid, let alone with my best friends. It hurts, to say the least...but I'll deal with it. Such is the price you pay for being a good person and placing others needs above your own.
This LJ is addicting. Being able to express is a beautiful thing, and I'm noticing that people actually listen. While it can be said that time flies when you're having fun, sometimes, just sometimes I like to think that if you are sad enough, it just may reverse to a happier time. **sighs** Oh well...signing off till later...


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May. 11th, 2005 | 06:45 pm
mood: lonelylonely

Finally back home, it's looking rather stormy outside again. Barely outdrove the rain, skies are black all behind the house. Hopefully that's a good omen, black clouds behind and blue skies ahead. Wow, I could so sell that to Hallmark for the sheer cheesiness. Or to Kodak for a moment **laughs**. I tend to do that, laugh at my own jokes. And why not, since noone else does, I might as well get a kick out of it. But I digress.
I have an interview set up for Friday with BriteSmile Dentistry, it's a cosmetic/spa thingie for your teeth. A receptionist and sales associate, to be sure, but at least I will be appreciated. Maybe for once I will be needed and appreciated - this would be a first for me. Even my most loved ones don't need me. I'm just wallpaper given flesh and bone, garbed in tye-dye, lol. I just want to work, and at this point I don't care doing what. I'm not a prideful man, simply a devoted and hardworking one. All I want is my own computer again...and for it not to be stolen like everything else I've ever had of value. Not this time, no siree. I can't wait, Ill get it off ebay, an HP Pavilion N5495, just like my old laptop. Then I'll be able to go wireless, muah ha ha! **I'm such a nerd**
At any rate, today has been a wierd day. I didnt drink last night, and I havent ina while so tonight is a big 24 oz beer night. At my weight that means Ill be a little too talkative and too loose with information. So son't ask me anything when I'm drunk, please. And I'm no lush...although I used to be, I admit. Maybe I'll have some tea as well, and read my new players handbook v3.5 for dungeons and dragons...
Oh well, I'll write more tomorrow. Hope I havent bored anyone to sleep yet...

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I will go down with this ship...

May. 11th, 2005 | 02:47 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

Let me start off by saying, I am very pissed off by the actions of my "future" employer. After 2 weeks of interviews, a drug test, phone calls, background checks, and feeding them more information than I have ever to another living being - it still isn't good enough. They want my paystubs from Hollywood Video to establish my credibility as a worker. It's complete bullshit, I had that job when I was 18 years old, who in their right mind keeps that stuff when they are that age? To make things even better, they want it by Friday. It's insipid and insane, a complete waste of my time and effort. People should not offer someone a job until they are confident in hiring the person. For once in my life I was to be happy with what I would be making, $10/hr + a monthly bonus based on sales. It seems I will be condemned to a life of retail until I get into college, and who knows how long that will be from now. My life consists of this: a constant, soul searing litany of gloom thrown at me. People like me tend to either be suicidal, or lose their touch with reality. I'll take the second option.
I just want a stable life. I want a place that is my own and I don't have to worry about leaving it. I crave stablity and permanence, and I swear on my life's blood I will have that one day. I've fought too hard and gone too far to turn back and fail. My life may consist of a long series of failures, but at this point it simply doesn't matter. Anger, not compassion, a gnawing hunger to succeed will be all the motivation I need. Well, onto the job hunt, will write again tonight...


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First Entry

May. 10th, 2005 | 06:53 pm
mood: lonelylonely

This certainly may be easier than writing in an actual journal. No cramped fingers, a nice cup of hot tea at my side, and of course the sound of the fish tank to keep me company. I swear, all those lazy bitches do is poop, swim and sleep. Must be nice, lol.
If you are one of the rare few who may actually look at my livejournal, I apologize in advance. You may become very sleepy, very quickly. Do not operate heavy machinery after reading my posts. You have been forewarned. ;o) All joking aside, it may be good for me to write what I'm thinking and feeling, since so few people have the care to listen. Listen, and not just wait for their turn to talk. I know one person online (of which Ive lost count of how long we have known one another), who listens quite well. It's a pity she does not listen to kind words, but everyone is different, with their own quirks and bits that define them. To quote the movie, "I, Robot"..."I am...unique. Different." So is she, and for that, I applaud her. Any woman who could stand me personally, even in the digital world deserves a hats off. Not that I wear a hat, mind you, my hair is self possesed as is.
No soft tea blends today, strictly a lemon/verbena/chamomile that will hopefully soothe my throat. It hurts when I wake up lately, I'm probably just getting old and feeble, body's breaking down. One morning Ill awake and turn into ash, complete with two bright green eyeballs (my only endearing feature). Seeing as haste doesnt always make waste, I'll gofornow...I tend to ramble. Good night, many blessings to you and your loved ones, whomever you are reading this.

Soul laid bare to the public,

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